snippets of my past

I am currently resting, sat on my sofa with peas on my foot, in preparation for Saturdays Ultra-marathon at Beesands.
I was looking for my fountain pen, as I am writing to a few people, proper mail, not email and in the process I found an old journal that I used to write in.
I've been sat reading it for a while and feel so sad about certain parts of my past, but want to get them out there, so you all know just how much better my life is now. So very much better.

I think most of you know will know who the 'boyfriend' was at the time, but  have changed his name as I have moved on and forgiven him now.

20/01/2010
Woke up on my own, felt lonely.
'Michael' (name change see!) didn't turn up until mid-day. He did, however get balloons and all the things for a lovely birthday tea. he turned up with a caterpillar cake too............................

So, that entry continued, I wont bore you with it all, I will however give you the end of my birthday.

Michael finally got up in a very odd mood demanding a cigarette. I couldn't remember where they were. He had a go at me, after spending most of the day on my own, and all I wanted was to spend time with him. He got me a frying pan and a torch, which was lovely, but all I wanted was his company. He then picked up his rucksack and left! I just can't cope with this anymore.

Wow! That was a Happy Birthday eh? It did have a good bit when Keiley, Clint and Jess came over for a few drinks! Friends are great eh?

22/01/2010
Just sat having a coffee waiting for the man with the mini-digger to sort our vegetable area in the carpark. It's raining and I'm watching a dog on a treadmill on the Dog Whisperer! So funny! May try Paddy later on mine again.

So the above, is more of a tweet these days, hence why I haven't written in the journal since 2011! Twitter has taken over the log of my life!

23/01/10
....................and he started hurting my hand. He wouldn't stop. We argued, he left, although he tried to hit me in the carpark and drove off! About ten minutes later he came back asking for his shorts and t shirt. I said I would give them back when he gave me my £40 he took from my table. He kicked off, then kicked the front door in. Nice! Damaged the top lock and chain and broken the wood..............

Oh what a fun time I obviously had in that relationship. Reading it back makes me ever wonder why I took so much. It also makes me realise why I shy away from relationships now and have been on my own so long. This, now is when I feel lucky to be where I am now. I may be alone, but at least I'm in control of my own life again.

07/02/2010
.............so lots has happened since I wrote that as it's now 7th Feb.
Michael grows ever elusive and doesn't come to see me. I have no idea where he goes. He says it's his Dad's or boat moving. Same old excuses as in the past. Can't go on like this with him........

I now know that he was going to Newton Abbot to see the girl who became his girlfriend after I dumped him. What a charmer!

06/02/10
Although I'm writing this on 7th!
Yesterday was my first Boxercise class in Marldon.
8 people turned up. It was amazing. Funny hall, many corridors and rooms...........

That, my friends, is history! My first ever Boxercise class!

07/02/2010
.........I went to try and see Nigel as can't get him on the phone. There was no answer, looked through the window and his house was tidy and no sign of him being there for a while. I left a note and hope that his family go there and they can phone me. I felt really sad..........

Nigel was the lovely artist who I used to life model for. I used to love those afternoons over there with him.

08/02/2010
Nigel's daughter called me as the cleaner passed on my number.  He is in Gloucestershire with one of his daughters and won't return to Totnes. He won't be able to talk much but they gave me the address so I could write. I did this straight away and also sent a postcard of Totnes so he gets a glimpse of home and he loves postcards............

14/02/2010
..........so we managed to spend most of the night together until he threw a drunken wobbler and left? Again! It seems common practice for him these days! 

Saturday 17th July 2010
Wow! so a lot has passed and I've moved on, so so much. Michael has gone, nearly 6 weeks now. It was a very difficult time. I knew it would be..............

The journal continues....... I was 'secretly' seeing someone from around 18/07/2010 there are few journal entries about him, nothing fantastic though! Can't mention his name, for some reason it was all a bit cloak and dagger. Never knew why. It continued on and off for many months until I realised he was just using me! Will I ever learn? There was one funny entry from that time (pardon the pun)

24th August 2010
....2 Boxercise classes (someone vomited in the 2nd!)

1st January 2011
Happy New Year.
Here's a few things I MUST do this year!
1. 103 miles
2. Paris with Mum
3. Learn French
4. Personal Trainer qual
5. Run Rampage
6. Kyuss
7. Clubbing night out in Brighton
8. A Festival!

Sadly, I never got to master French or go out in Brighton.
Maybe I should try for that this year?

They are all obviously the bits I can post on here without making my Mum blush, as I know she reads my blogs. Although I know she will be annoyed at me for putting up with the crap that 'you know who' gave me!
Have a great day, weekend, whatever and I shall catch up soon.