A little sober update........

Currently sat at my desk looking out of the window watching the rain cast little puddles on the decking, soaking the white cotton gloves out on the line that I had washed for the Boxercise class this evening....be right back, have to go and get them in and put them on a fast spin so they are dry for tonight!

Right, I'm back and they are spinning away!
So, when I did my sober October things were mental, everything shot by fast in the first 2 weeks. I seemingly lost a lot of weight and my clarity seemed almost overwhelming so early on.
This time, however it hasn't happened so fast. It's as though I've just got on with my life and things are changing ever-so slowly in the right direction.
I am wondering if this is because in October I 'had' to not drink because I was doing it for charity, so the pressure was there and also a time limit set as a goal. I looked into it more, faced it as a challenge rather than a life choice and analyzed every moment of it. This time I have just made a choice to not partake in alcoholic beverages for as long as I want to, no pressure, just see how it goes, enjoy the energy and clarity it brings and also the money I'm saving.

Sober October though was not all I had laid it out in my mind, like those 'secret eaters' you read about I was doing a similar thing, without even realising it at the time and it is only this week that I have tracked back to find out just what went on.
I was using a phone app called 'MyNetDiary' which tracks food and exercise and weight.
I decided to look all the way back to October, I knew that I had been using it, I think more as a distraction technique but it has unearthed quite a find.
I was asked by Sandra in the gym about the weight loss during October, when after 4 weeks I had discovered that I had lost nearly 4kg, I had put it down to just not drinking.
This week I have found out that I was on less than 1500 calories a day, eating very differently and I was including 2 additional gym sessions of interval work every day that I don't usually do.
I had wiped all of this completely out of my head, which is very interesting.
The 4kg wasn't just alcohol, in fact I realise now it wasn't much of it at all. I have lost 1kg in 36 days this time, my food and exercise unchanged in that time, in October I became obsessive, I think that was a coping mechanism, but also re-found energy from cutting out the booze enabled those extra workouts. I think I would be doing them now if I actually had the time but I am so busy with work (a good thing) so I can't.

So, there you go! It's been fascinating finding that out this week. I know things like that happen, when people say to me, 'I've lost 2 kg from just cutting out bread and crisps' I always ask, what else have you done? Because one life change always brings about others, then they say that nothing else has changed, and they have actually felt so good about themselves that they joined an exercise class, or started swimming. So, the one change actually was 2, and that was what stimulated more weight-loss.
People who stop alcohol say that's the only change, but there are no late night booze-filled snacks (something I never did anyway) and no hangover breakfasts (yes, I did, Signalbox cafe) so that was the bigger contributor to the fatloss, not just cutting out alcohol.
I think I want to study this further, the past 36 days I have found this all quite an exciting experiment.

So, this little knitted-covered beauty is as always my sober life-saver. I am obsessed with tea and my drinking addiction has lead to me now having a cupboard of around 17 different types of tea and herbs for making teas.
This morning I am on the Pukka turmeric gold, a recommendation from my friend Ralph, it's a great tea.

Night time brings my usual 4 teabag mix, Clipper Sleepy tea, Valerian, Pukka night time and a chamomile for good measure. This night time sleepy treat has proved very insightful too.
About a week into my sobriety I started to sleep properly, full nights of sound, heavy sleep. Although heavy, my dreams have become a strange night time reality of clarity and wisdom, some not so, some just ridiculous, but last week a dream lead me to think of this.

Dreams and Goals - are they one and the same? Or does that depend entirely on who the dreamer is?

Your dreams - and eventually your goals if you ARE that kind of person are yours to be discovered and won.
Only you can visualize every perfect aspect of it because you own it. Use your good friends and family for support, but only you can execute it as perfectly as you want it. Only you can live it.
Even the most well-meaning family and friends won't have your goal visualization, only your instruction.
I know, this is a bit deep for a Monday, but it's the Solstice and my brain has changed in the past month, everything seems clear, my way forward precise and as above, only I can live my future as I want it.
In the past years I have dropped goals and lost dreams, I had thought, never to be re-discovered, I thought that I had lost myself completely, my drive and enthusiasm a dull 40+ thing of the past. Now I am 15 again, I am fresh and new in my head and body, I am filled with excited possibilities of love and future that I had swore were never to be part of my life.
I picked the Goddess card, 'Eve' this weekend, a card that symbolizes rebirth and regeneration, bringing back my primal creativity and I really feel like this right now. I have given myself the opportunity to be re-born, not as new, just as I was, but with knowledge under my belt to help me through the next phase of my exciting life.

I had to sit on the floor during QiGong this week, the energy in me was too much and I almost passed out. I haven't passed out in years. Knocked myself out a lot, mostly in the bathroom, but it this juvenile fainting I used to experience. I feel like I have just woken up properly, like all the negative relationships I had were just bad dreams that can now be forgotten. The friends who have betrayed me were just evil characters in the night time movie in my head. Now gone and without influence on my daily life. My family and good friends players in my life, the ones I can trust not to become baddies in my nightmares.

I am 15 and fired up..........ready to take on adulthood properly.

Her first blog of 2016.....I am slacking, big time!

Good day to you all! My oh my it has been a very long time since I have blogged, this is mainly because I have been so very busy with work, new ideas and ventures, and also, I've not felt that I have had anything sufficient to blog about.

I will keep this a brief as possible, but we do have 6 months to catch up on *joke*

This little tank is where yesterday's story started, it also serves a purpose to put a smile on my Mum's face when she reads this, because she loves tanks! So, Mummy, if you read something in this blog you don't like, please scroll back up to this tank photo and enjoy it!

As most of you know, in a bid to get flexi, for Kickboxing, I decided to knock long runs on the head for a year. It was a tough year, I realised a few things yesterday about why I run and it has answered many questions about my happiness over the last 12 months. I love exercise, Insanity, Kickboxing, all sorts of training, but running isn't just running....I shall elaborate.

I was planning on a run before now, but work and life got in the way, I was determined, that no matter how hot it was yesterday, that I would hit my favourite section of the coastpath, and get some miles in ahead of next Sunday's Ruby Run.

The Ruby Run last year was my last race before stopping running for the year. I got a PB at it, so I appear to be putting a lot of pressure on myself for next Sunday. Obviously I won't get another PB because I haven't put the miles in, so it will be interesting to see just how well I actually do. I shall, of course, let you know.

Since January 2015 my life has started changing. Maybe I have actually started to grow up, or suddenly realised that I am growing in years, and I need to sort my shit out.
The realisation that I have never ever picked the best relationships for me has continued to plod around in my brain. People (happy, in a relationship people) say, 'you haven't met the right person yet' I say this is a load of bollocks (sorry Mummy, 2 swear words in one paragraph) why should there be a 'right' person for me? Why is it not acceptable for me to be on my own, or even better, why can't there be many people out there for me? Variety is the spice of life they say! Why commit yourself to one tedious week in and out with the same person? The argument that then follows is..'that's because you haven't met the right person' which now bores me. I'm not interested.

So with that, comes friendship. The last 18 months have proved to me who my true friends are. The ones that do not judge me, don't put me down, are positive in my life choices, other friends, activities that I choose to do. It has become very evident that some people who were within my life have not been true to me, have been incredibly nasty, jealous vindictive and just plain weird. I like to believe that everyone has kindness within them, and I kept this belief, but was constantly proved to be wrong about a few people. The kindness was fake, maybe for their own gains, I am at a loss to think why else they could be so nasty to me.
Negativity ruins your health and wellness, so I have now distanced myself from this and continue on with new friends and associates of a like-mind. One of hope, positivity, clean living and a mainly holistic approach to life.

Last July I attempted to stop drinking for a while, it lasted only a few weeks, and then I went away on holiday for a few days and used this as an excuse to start again.
In October I did 'Sober October' for charity, raised lots of money and felt like a new person. The clarity and energy I felt were something that I hadn't experienced for years. Again, sadly ruined by Halloween and a party at the rugby club.
So, again I did sober Christmas and New Year, a party on the 1st and I started again.
I noticed, that every time I stopped drinking, it also affeted my friends and clients who also wanted to stop drinking or at least moderate. This influence is something that I have thought long and hard about and I want it to continue.
For the last 23 days I haven't had a drink, I have, in reality been drinking socially, and also as a chill out since I was 16 years old. I had older boyfriends who I went to the pub with and drinking culture was a big part of my life. Until you stop, you don't realise the damage you are doing to yourself. Now those that know me well, know that I am all or nothing, pretty much in everything that I do. That includes drinking.
Over the past *coughs* many years I've had wasted days from hangovers, memory loss, arguments, tears, a ridiculous amount of negativity and depression amongst the nights of fun also gained.
I had one night too many after my recent grading and the Sunday morning on waking, with a very sore head and some memory loss I decided that enough is enough. I cannot moderate, so I will stop. I don't know how long for, I'm not setting a time limit or date, all I know is that it is in the very best interest of my health and wellbeing that this happens.
I always had a go about my brother not drinking, but maybe we are similar, and that was a very early and wise step from him? Who knows, but this time I will not be giving to peer pressure or parties, I can still go out and have fun and not drink. This I have proved to myself (the only person that counts in this) and I shall continue on this way, because I am deeply happy, energised and the best I have been mentally in a very long time.

So, the deep and meaningful over, the months caught up, here is yesterday!
But seriously, until you can get to know yourself, your strengths and weakness, you cannot judge others, and as we are constantly changing and evolving, ourselves, then we shall never have the right to judge or manipulate others.

I set off from Torcross, the sun blazing, the smell of bar-be-ques and sun cream wafting from the beach. I was kitted up, head covered, shades on, camelbak filled, wearing my new trail shoes.

The route, I have run countless times, today wasn't about pressure or time, I was out there to enjoy my favourite place, to listen to the waves, to breath in the emotion of the sea, to let my body feel the gentle flow of the tide and slowly mend the little broken joints in my mind and place things back together that hadn't been able to mend for a year.
You see, I don't go running to get fit, to lose fat, I run for my meditation, to look at nature, the wide varity of beautiful flowers in the summer, to feel the harsh wind and rain in the winter, it's an experience, not an exercise. This, I realised yesterday, I had been missing my 'me-time' the question and answer sessions about life, the story-making in my head as I run up a tiresome incline.

I skipped over the rocks with trepidation, awareness and fairy footsteps, lighter than usual and enjoying every single step of the way.
The lighthouse at Start Point is one of my favourite places in Devon, and I took the opportunity to stand and breathe in the view and the awesome drop down into the sea, so much danger and yet so much beauty in one spot. Being alive, being who I am, so much to be thankful for. I don't think we take out time to realise this often enough.

The ups and downs of the coast path - like life, tackle the uphill, get it done, enjoy the view at the top, breathe in success, just like life's obstacles, then enjoy the down, running childlike, with passion and happiness.
When you have tacked enough inclines, they get easier and easier, and if you remain un-daunted, they will become nothing but a passing frown followed by an epic smile.

I started my life like this little fella who I found yesterday, (fluffy! Ask my Mum) and the last 25 years I have been in an alcohol-made cocoon.
Now, I have made the decision to get out, fly, be brave and beautiful, to fill the world with amazing colours, dashing about with enthusiasm, giving enjoyment to all who see and know me. My butterfly days are here and they will last as long as I do.
Sometimes a switch just flicks in your head, my Dad passed away too young, I am wasting my time, I need to be productive, who knows what tomorrow will bring? All I know is that I am armed and dangerous with positivity!
I promise I won't leave it so long to blog in future, this is definitely a pot of tea, rather than a cuppa's reading!
Take care.........