Reconstruction and realisation

Oooh, another, yes, another blog from me! That means that stuff is going on! Mostly in my head, but in fact it is all good stuff that is going on, and about time!

Again I want to reiterate that the reason I blog is my therapy. So many people keep things to themselves, shut away in their minds not wanting to deal with it. I like to deal with things so that I can always move on in my life.
I feel if you are shutting away from everyone else, there is a high chance that you are also keeping it from yourself and can not recover.

So, again, thoughts...........
Yesterday was definitely an interesting one, not only did I find photos of myself when I was training hard, but also I found photos of 'you know who' that I didn't know I had.
It was interesting though, because I looked at those pictures of 'him' like it was actually a bad dream. And that is exactly how I want to refer to that point in my life, and to be honest, I've been in the sleeping waking moments of my life ever since and not really got on with it.
My challenges I have done have all been worthy, but just the dreamings of a sleepy person on the beginning of a true awakening.

This mind stuff that is going on can only now be blamed on my Wolfy! I think I have turned a corner, although I am wibbling all the way around and tempted to return to the safe house where only I have the key. But I shall persist, and it's like Wolfy knows how to behave as I wobble my way round to him, he's making me keep going and not turn back.
Keep it up, I shall get there eventually!

Many of my friends have said that I have commitment issues, I denied, saying it was the wrong person, and to a certain extent I was right, I need kind but fiesty, caring but detached at the right times, I don't need smothering, but actually deep down I'm a bit of a romantic. Complex as women are eh?

I think I am coming to terms with this, but yet I am still not happy with myself.

Tonight I returned to the gym.............

And I was right, I was totally right yesterday, I have lost it!

Sometimes a client will say to me words like, 'you know when you stop for a while it's hard to get back to it?' and to be honest, I didn't know, I thought that the amount of exercise I did meant I couldn't understand, but tonight I do!

I'm lifting half of the weight I ever lifted in the past, I felt as weak as a kitten, seriously embarrassed myself, no one else, just me!

I did work hard, I really did, because I was angry with myself at becoming complacent about my training. I was 'Fighting Fit' and I have neglected myself, that happens as a PT as you run out of energy if you do what I do.
My diet change will help, and already in 2 days I feel more energised! I am back in the building!

Things are on track, and will keep slotting into place, I am on a good ride to the future and I can't wait to really be me again. I shall tell you when!