Her first blog of 2016.....I am slacking, big time!

Good day to you all! My oh my it has been a very long time since I have blogged, this is mainly because I have been so very busy with work, new ideas and ventures, and also, I've not felt that I have had anything sufficient to blog about.

I will keep this a brief as possible, but we do have 6 months to catch up on *joke*

This little tank is where yesterday's story started, it also serves a purpose to put a smile on my Mum's face when she reads this, because she loves tanks! So, Mummy, if you read something in this blog you don't like, please scroll back up to this tank photo and enjoy it!

As most of you know, in a bid to get flexi, for Kickboxing, I decided to knock long runs on the head for a year. It was a tough year, I realised a few things yesterday about why I run and it has answered many questions about my happiness over the last 12 months. I love exercise, Insanity, Kickboxing, all sorts of training, but running isn't just running....I shall elaborate.

I was planning on a run before now, but work and life got in the way, I was determined, that no matter how hot it was yesterday, that I would hit my favourite section of the coastpath, and get some miles in ahead of next Sunday's Ruby Run.

The Ruby Run last year was my last race before stopping running for the year. I got a PB at it, so I appear to be putting a lot of pressure on myself for next Sunday. Obviously I won't get another PB because I haven't put the miles in, so it will be interesting to see just how well I actually do. I shall, of course, let you know.

Since January 2015 my life has started changing. Maybe I have actually started to grow up, or suddenly realised that I am growing in years, and I need to sort my shit out.
The realisation that I have never ever picked the best relationships for me has continued to plod around in my brain. People (happy, in a relationship people) say, 'you haven't met the right person yet' I say this is a load of bollocks (sorry Mummy, 2 swear words in one paragraph) why should there be a 'right' person for me? Why is it not acceptable for me to be on my own, or even better, why can't there be many people out there for me? Variety is the spice of life they say! Why commit yourself to one tedious week in and out with the same person? The argument that then follows is..'that's because you haven't met the right person' which now bores me. I'm not interested.

So with that, comes friendship. The last 18 months have proved to me who my true friends are. The ones that do not judge me, don't put me down, are positive in my life choices, other friends, activities that I choose to do. It has become very evident that some people who were within my life have not been true to me, have been incredibly nasty, jealous vindictive and just plain weird. I like to believe that everyone has kindness within them, and I kept this belief, but was constantly proved to be wrong about a few people. The kindness was fake, maybe for their own gains, I am at a loss to think why else they could be so nasty to me.
Negativity ruins your health and wellness, so I have now distanced myself from this and continue on with new friends and associates of a like-mind. One of hope, positivity, clean living and a mainly holistic approach to life.

Last July I attempted to stop drinking for a while, it lasted only a few weeks, and then I went away on holiday for a few days and used this as an excuse to start again.
In October I did 'Sober October' for charity, raised lots of money and felt like a new person. The clarity and energy I felt were something that I hadn't experienced for years. Again, sadly ruined by Halloween and a party at the rugby club.
So, again I did sober Christmas and New Year, a party on the 1st and I started again.
I noticed, that every time I stopped drinking, it also affeted my friends and clients who also wanted to stop drinking or at least moderate. This influence is something that I have thought long and hard about and I want it to continue.
For the last 23 days I haven't had a drink, I have, in reality been drinking socially, and also as a chill out since I was 16 years old. I had older boyfriends who I went to the pub with and drinking culture was a big part of my life. Until you stop, you don't realise the damage you are doing to yourself. Now those that know me well, know that I am all or nothing, pretty much in everything that I do. That includes drinking.
Over the past *coughs* many years I've had wasted days from hangovers, memory loss, arguments, tears, a ridiculous amount of negativity and depression amongst the nights of fun also gained.
I had one night too many after my recent grading and the Sunday morning on waking, with a very sore head and some memory loss I decided that enough is enough. I cannot moderate, so I will stop. I don't know how long for, I'm not setting a time limit or date, all I know is that it is in the very best interest of my health and wellbeing that this happens.
I always had a go about my brother not drinking, but maybe we are similar, and that was a very early and wise step from him? Who knows, but this time I will not be giving to peer pressure or parties, I can still go out and have fun and not drink. This I have proved to myself (the only person that counts in this) and I shall continue on this way, because I am deeply happy, energised and the best I have been mentally in a very long time.

So, the deep and meaningful over, the months caught up, here is yesterday!
But seriously, until you can get to know yourself, your strengths and weakness, you cannot judge others, and as we are constantly changing and evolving, ourselves, then we shall never have the right to judge or manipulate others.

I set off from Torcross, the sun blazing, the smell of bar-be-ques and sun cream wafting from the beach. I was kitted up, head covered, shades on, camelbak filled, wearing my new trail shoes.

The route, I have run countless times, today wasn't about pressure or time, I was out there to enjoy my favourite place, to listen to the waves, to breath in the emotion of the sea, to let my body feel the gentle flow of the tide and slowly mend the little broken joints in my mind and place things back together that hadn't been able to mend for a year.
You see, I don't go running to get fit, to lose fat, I run for my meditation, to look at nature, the wide varity of beautiful flowers in the summer, to feel the harsh wind and rain in the winter, it's an experience, not an exercise. This, I realised yesterday, I had been missing my 'me-time' the question and answer sessions about life, the story-making in my head as I run up a tiresome incline.

I skipped over the rocks with trepidation, awareness and fairy footsteps, lighter than usual and enjoying every single step of the way.
The lighthouse at Start Point is one of my favourite places in Devon, and I took the opportunity to stand and breathe in the view and the awesome drop down into the sea, so much danger and yet so much beauty in one spot. Being alive, being who I am, so much to be thankful for. I don't think we take out time to realise this often enough.

The ups and downs of the coast path - like life, tackle the uphill, get it done, enjoy the view at the top, breathe in success, just like life's obstacles, then enjoy the down, running childlike, with passion and happiness.
When you have tacked enough inclines, they get easier and easier, and if you remain un-daunted, they will become nothing but a passing frown followed by an epic smile.

I started my life like this little fella who I found yesterday, (fluffy! Ask my Mum) and the last 25 years I have been in an alcohol-made cocoon.
Now, I have made the decision to get out, fly, be brave and beautiful, to fill the world with amazing colours, dashing about with enthusiasm, giving enjoyment to all who see and know me. My butterfly days are here and they will last as long as I do.
Sometimes a switch just flicks in your head, my Dad passed away too young, I am wasting my time, I need to be productive, who knows what tomorrow will bring? All I know is that I am armed and dangerous with positivity!
I promise I won't leave it so long to blog in future, this is definitely a pot of tea, rather than a cuppa's reading!
Take care.........