Right, I'm back and they are spinning away!
So, when I did my sober October things were mental, everything shot by fast in the first 2 weeks. I seemingly lost a lot of weight and my clarity seemed almost overwhelming so early on.
This time, however it hasn't happened so fast. It's as though I've just got on with my life and things are changing ever-so slowly in the right direction.
I am wondering if this is because in October I 'had' to not drink because I was doing it for charity, so the pressure was there and also a time limit set as a goal. I looked into it more, faced it as a challenge rather than a life choice and analyzed every moment of it. This time I have just made a choice to not partake in alcoholic beverages for as long as I want to, no pressure, just see how it goes, enjoy the energy and clarity it brings and also the money I'm saving.
Sober October though was not all I had laid it out in my mind, like those 'secret eaters' you read about I was doing a similar thing, without even realising it at the time and it is only this week that I have tracked back to find out just what went on.
I was using a phone app called 'MyNetDiary' which tracks food and exercise and weight.
I decided to look all the way back to October, I knew that I had been using it, I think more as a distraction technique but it has unearthed quite a find.
I was asked by Sandra in the gym about the weight loss during October, when after 4 weeks I had discovered that I had lost nearly 4kg, I had put it down to just not drinking.
This week I have found out that I was on less than 1500 calories a day, eating very differently and I was including 2 additional gym sessions of interval work every day that I don't usually do.
I had wiped all of this completely out of my head, which is very interesting.
The 4kg wasn't just alcohol, in fact I realise now it wasn't much of it at all. I have lost 1kg in 36 days this time, my food and exercise unchanged in that time, in October I became obsessive, I think that was a coping mechanism, but also re-found energy from cutting out the booze enabled those extra workouts. I think I would be doing them now if I actually had the time but I am so busy with work (a good thing) so I can't.
So, there you go! It's been fascinating finding that out this week. I know things like that happen, when people say to me, 'I've lost 2 kg from just cutting out bread and crisps' I always ask, what else have you done? Because one life change always brings about others, then they say that nothing else has changed, and they have actually felt so good about themselves that they joined an exercise class, or started swimming. So, the one change actually was 2, and that was what stimulated more weight-loss.
People who stop alcohol say that's the only change, but there are no late night booze-filled snacks (something I never did anyway) and no hangover breakfasts (yes, I did, Signalbox cafe) so that was the bigger contributor to the fatloss, not just cutting out alcohol.
I think I want to study this further, the past 36 days I have found this all quite an exciting experiment.
So, this little knitted-covered beauty is as always my sober life-saver. I am obsessed with tea and my drinking addiction has lead to me now having a cupboard of around 17 different types of tea and herbs for making teas.
This morning I am on the Pukka turmeric gold, a recommendation from my friend Ralph, it's a great tea.
Night time brings my usual 4 teabag mix, Clipper Sleepy tea, Valerian, Pukka night time and a chamomile for good measure. This night time sleepy treat has proved very insightful too.
About a week into my sobriety I started to sleep properly, full nights of sound, heavy sleep. Although heavy, my dreams have become a strange night time reality of clarity and wisdom, some not so, some just ridiculous, but last week a dream lead me to think of this.
Dreams and Goals - are they one and the same? Or does that depend entirely on who the dreamer is?
Your dreams - and eventually your goals if you ARE that kind of person are yours to be discovered and won.
Only you can visualize every perfect aspect of it because you own it. Use your good friends and family for support, but only you can execute it as perfectly as you want it. Only you can live it.
Even the most well-meaning family and friends won't have your goal visualization, only your instruction.
I know, this is a bit deep for a Monday, but it's the Solstice and my brain has changed in the past month, everything seems clear, my way forward precise and as above, only I can live my future as I want it.
In the past years I have dropped goals and lost dreams, I had thought, never to be re-discovered, I thought that I had lost myself completely, my drive and enthusiasm a dull 40+ thing of the past. Now I am 15 again, I am fresh and new in my head and body, I am filled with excited possibilities of love and future that I had swore were never to be part of my life.
I picked the Goddess card, 'Eve' this weekend, a card that symbolizes rebirth and regeneration, bringing back my primal creativity and I really feel like this right now. I have given myself the opportunity to be re-born, not as new, just as I was, but with knowledge under my belt to help me through the next phase of my exciting life.
I had to sit on the floor during QiGong this week, the energy in me was too much and I almost passed out. I haven't passed out in years. Knocked myself out a lot, mostly in the bathroom, but it this juvenile fainting I used to experience. I feel like I have just woken up properly, like all the negative relationships I had were just bad dreams that can now be forgotten. The friends who have betrayed me were just evil characters in the night time movie in my head. Now gone and without influence on my daily life. My family and good friends players in my life, the ones I can trust not to become baddies in my nightmares.
I am 15 and fired up..........ready to take on adulthood properly.
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