Crossroads and Circles - Transformation

I've had an interesting rollercoaster of a year so far, and it seems to be continuing along the same path.

I know you can't have ups without downs, but when you create the downs yourself, how do you pick yourself up again?

Recently I have been thinking way too much about things, mainly off the back of my feelings during the 12 week challenge, but there were a few things in my life that just weren't sitting right, my head was becoming a spiderweb or muddle. Reason wasn't there, everything was being blown out of proportion, my old paranoia was returning and I just couldn't see a way forward out of the muddles mess that was my head.
I'm not saying that it's okay now, but I've managed to blow away some of the unnecessary web to find clarity in the mainframe.
When I get to a major crossroads I do what any woman would do and I went to ask directions, for clarity on what the best path would be for me. Sometimes you already know in your heart, but a gentle push in the right direction from above helps ultimately with the final decision.

 So, I contacted my friend Sheila in Ashburton, last year she did an Angel card reading for me and gave me the much needed kick up the backside I was looking for. I took on what the cards had to say and carried on productively and positively, so I was hoping for more of the same.

As I got to Sheila's house she was there outside, smiling and welcoming, already installing positivity into my head.
We went inside and Sheila had done some automatic writing after my conversation with her. I sat down and read what she had channeled, and to be honest, it was pretty amazing.

I'm not going to post all that she wrote, I know I'm open in my blogs, but there are some things that I like to stay private in my life. But it starts like this.....

Dramatic changes, the ending of friendships.....

Straight away I had a little alarm bell, but also know that endings are only new beginnings, I had that comfort.
The next lines really took me though.

Transformation can bring a sense of loss but the fresh start they bring is necessary and welcome.

I recently had been thinking of personal transformation, doing things that used to make me happy, writing and playing music, getting properly back into my kickboxing, finding the Debbie I was prior to the biggest loss in my life, losing Dad.
I continued to read, it was insightful, the last lines struck me.

If your heart and mind are pulling in different directions at the moment, its resolution brings a true sense of peace and relief for you.

 
Shelia did my Angel cards too, and again my questions were being answered, and she said something brilliant to me....normally people say to me all the time, 'you need to slow down and rest your body' but Sheila took a new stance on this one by telling me that I need to give my head time to slow down and rest, to meditate.
She didn't tell me to meditate in it's original form but find some way to control the massive cobweb of thoughts and feelings that had got so overtangled recently.
We spoke of how I can chill and rest my thoughts or sort them out when I run on the coastpath, so that was the way forward, my favourite little run from Torcross to Start Point was planned for the following day.
I left Sheila's feeling positive and with an action plan to help me along the way.

There is something about being next to water that refreshes and calms at the same time. I hadn't quite realised what the weather was going to be like on the coast and when I pulled up in the carpark at Torcross I was hesitant about leaving the van. The wind was so strong I struggled to open the door, this was going to be fun!
I geared up and set off along the seafront, admiring the magnificent powerful waves that were crashing on the shore, it was breathtaking.

This run is my favourite for a little jaunt, it's only around 3.5 miles to Start Point but some cheeky inclines and stunning scenery can lengthen the time out on the path. The wind got stronger and the stretch from Hallsands to Start Point was hellish. I was glad that the wind was blowing me into the side rather than into the sea and as I approached the gate that leads into the Start Point carpark I couldn't stand up. The wind kept catching me and blowing me backwards, I couldn't reach the gate, there I was blowing about laughing hysterically when a family came along on the other side of the gate, where it wasn't so windy. They found it hilarious and we all laughed (at my expense) and finally I managed to grab the gate and make my way through.
This was certainly blowing out those unwanted cobwebs and helping me to make my way steadily through my muddled brain.

I trotted on down towards the lighthouse and veered off to the right along the coastpath, out of the wind, the difference was amazing. I found a nice rock to sit on in the sunshine, listening to the wind round the corner, but feeling none of it.

I looked out to the sea, watching the waves, just letting my mind go, not thinking, just being, feeling the warm sun on my face, just me and nature. This was definitely what I needed.

I put some things in order in my head, had a few words with myself, if I can't make a sensible decision at 40 years old, maybe I never will, and to be honest, this decision may not be right, but it was logical, un-muddled and straight to the point. I had shifted some of the web aside, some is still there, I have a lot of work to do when it comes to resting my head, but a few more trips to the sea would soon sort me out.

I returned back home, had a hot bath and chilled out with the one constant in my life - my dogs.

This is where my story ends.......I made a tough decision.......based on fact, although it's hurting my heart but it was a practical decision to prevent any future heartbreak of a more serious nature. Have I grown up? Or just wisened up? Time will tell.